Crazy.Ness.

You know when you just have interesting interactions and/or observe some crazy shit?

1. Last night, I was on the phone with Target about my order (that I half canceled and will return when the rest gets here) and the rep kept saying "So you purchased a Merona...um, Badu top? An Ebony Badu top?" I'm on the phone like, what the hell is a badu top? Then I realized and (Lord forgive me) I said in my nice firm voice "It's a BAN-DEAU top. Ban.Deau. You can now say that to your friends and correct them since you learned this word. It's not Badu." I'm a fucking trick...but I was frustratical and shit. Yes, frustatical is the new word.

2. Today on my way to the subway, I saw a great dane the size of Sea Biscuit (the horse not Michael Phelps) who was wearing a full wool jacket. Like, a man sized wool coat with big buttons. The dog was walking like he was thinking "I don't like this coat, mommy. I can't raise my arms the way I like.." It was cute and sad all at once. I wanted to take a photo, but I think that would have been mean to the dog. He knew he looked silly.


3. I went swimsuit shopping tonight, and the loveliest woman helped me out. She got me from Down and Out in New York City to Showgirls. (ok, not really Showgirls, but I did feel great in my new pieces). And she thought I was so nice she gave me a 25% card to use at Macy's. She even said I was sweet - I NEVER GET CALLED THAT!!! :-)


4. I saw a real ridic looking fake (I think and I hope) LV bag. You be the damn judges on this one. I hope that Vogue article will help me in investigating that shit. I get the whole reasoning and idea of the knock-off, but either get a knock with plain, barely there accoutrements that aren't noticeable, or just buy the real damn thing. I'm posting the photo down below. I mean, from a far the bag is cute, but from anear things pop out at you. This photo is like a damn Highlights photo - "Which of these things don't belong?"


This is the first fake I thought, Damn, Wow. Damnwow.

We Need To Talk About This

I had to come back to my blog, because you and I need to talk about this.

We Need To Talk About Mariah, People!

As my mom would say, "Whah day hell is she wearing?!"

Her new single for H.A.T.E.U. is coming, and she's shooting a video. Now I understand, she wants to bring her sexy back, it's on the beach, she's wearing Louboutins and her bathing suit, and...

Stop right there. See, this is were handlers, PR, the vanity machine that follows her are wrong. They know DAMN WELL she looks like hamhocks in her outfit. She isn't dressing for her body type. She looks BAD.

Not just feh, not just "oh, girl, maybe you want to sarong that," - SHE LOOKS BAD. She looks bad bad. She looks like she is a few months preguntos with a food baby. And what's worse is that it's easily fixed by just wearing a nicer, more flattering bathing suit. Like Mariah, I am no longer a skinny minnie, and that's ok. What's not ok is when you don't acknowledge this by wearing stuff that makes you look like bratwurst in the pool. And that's when it's no bueno, mami.

This also angers me because it's when celebrities, who have stylists who can help them, pull such stupidity in public, it's a trickle down effect. We go from Mariah doing this:

to this shit that the masses will perpetuate:


Thank you, In Hood Terms, for that lovely photo. That above could have been prevented if only Mariah had dressed with fit in mind, and not just trying to be sexy.

9.11.01

Photo Source

We are remembering the way our world was torn apart that day. And I'm looking at this photo and if you don't look at the towers side...you can pretend that it's still a beautiful New York City morning, that friends didn't pass away, that planes don't slam into buildings, that people don't make impossible decisions, that it's just a movie, that it's just funny that they tried to blow up WTC like they did in 1993 and failed, that the world won't change from what you've always known it to be.

I want to mourn, but I'm so tired. Tired of the politics, tired of the fear, the sadness, the anger, the shame of making it through when others didn't...

And yet, we still live on to remember those who are gone - the firefighters, the policemen, the bankers, the porters, the cleaning ladies, the airplane passengers, the admins, the cooks, the residents, the people who couldn't run from the damage, and the people who helped you keep going when the bogeyman becomes real.

I can only wish that the city, the living breathing spirit of the city that is both flesh and steel, concrete and blood, can one day heal and will be avenged.

Goodbye, Juan.

Let's Talk about this Bullshit Just This Once

Let's talk about this right here:



If you read Jezebel.com (and you already know it's a great great great site), then you already know about the open thread they have about Ms. Heidi Montag's performance on the Miss Universe pagent tonight.

Let's discuss her outfit before we go on to her actual "performance". What's wrong with the photo above, boys and girls? First off, her outfit is stupid. And something is wrong with the crotch in her pants. It's like she's carrying a big queef in there. Maybe it's her husband, maybe she just put something in there to give her some edge, I don't know.

Second off, what's up with a flesh toned bra pants thing going on? I thought flesh tone was for the illusion of that you aren't wearing anything, but it has glitter, but it has some black piping, but zzzzzzzzzzz....

Yawn Snore! Her shit is boring.

I won't even mention her hair, makeup, and her fakito boobs. I actually find her everything disconcerting. Like, now that she fixed everything with plastic surgery, and is "pretty", it's ok that she's assaulting America with her terribleness. And yes, it's assault. You can go to your local precinct and file a report for this hot mess.

She's just so mediocre it's RIDICULOUS. I mean, if you need proof. Please notice her stumbling around second 25-35:



Now, we all know the song is bunk. She cannot sing and the song is about nothingness. Fine. But she can't dance and it's all a little too much. Paula Abdul can't sing either, but the bitch was bad when it came to the dance. And that's why you sang Cold Hearted Snake (look into his eyes! C'mon, you're singing it right now with me!). The song was bangin', and Paula brought it.



If Heidi gets to be famous for sheer nothingness, why can I be famous? I do plenty of nothing all day as well, and I sing like no other when it's karaoke time.

NSFW - Trends Among Mens....Or Male Habits I Wish I Didn't Know About...

He knows he needs to wash, yet human men resist. Who is the REAL animal, my friends...who?!


I have two men in my life. I care about them both dearly.

One is hilarious and is always making the craziest statements about life, like "Only gay guys wear flip flops." Let's call him Joe.

Well ok then! Andy Samberg with his flippy floppies apparently isn't about the ladies, according to Joe. Not quite sure where Joe got this idea, but this did lead to some serious side eyeing and some I Love Lucy 'splainin. (The explanation made no sense, so I'm not repeating it)

The other man in my life is also hilarious and I enjoy many of the finer things of life with him. Let's call him Bob.

Now, both Bob and Joe have some things in common. They're both guys, they both have facial scruff that I quite like, they've both played football at some point in their lives (although I don't know what position) and are still into sports, and ...

They both don't wash their hands after peeing.

Bob and I had a fight about it last year, where I demanded to know how someone so fresh could neglect something so basic. His response? "It's the cleanest part of my body. It's not dirty, why should I wash my hands?"

Joe said the SAME THING recently! I nearly fell off my chair, since I know Joe to be extremely hygenic, if not from the same logic loving family as Bob, who knows quite a few men who wear flip flops and aren't gay. I'm still trying to figure that flip flop shit out.

Anyway, Joe and I just fought about the hand washing thing, and here was my take on it.

As a lady, (side-eyeing any of you who just laughed openly at the lady part) I know what it takes to keep my parts clean. I remember the many times my mother told me as a child, "If you don't wash your pussy, it'll smell like fish!"

My mother was very hardcore.

So my cootie and I have a great relationship where I acknowledge that if I don't wash her, she won't smell as fresh as a tropical rainshower or some other scent from Gain. Lady Grey and I have an understanding (starting with the fact that my ladybits have a name, it's Lady Grey, just roll with me on this) and that is I keep her clean daily, she's happy, and I wash my hands every time I go pee to keep up with my general hygiene. I know some women who are also guilty of not washing their hands and it just gives me the WILLIES!

I also acknowledge that I feel men need to wash because their manbits tend to get not so nice down there all day in their underpants. Fishbone had a song about it called MonkeyDick. Here are some lyrics:
" Sitting in a cage all day long
Smelling monkey nutts boy the odors strong...

. . . Straight got the monkey dick
Straight got the burn in cage itch

The fumes oh how they burn
Those stars how they turn
Oh how I yearn to get to air again
Oh the sea breeze but I'm down on my knees
Straight got the monkey dick
Get me soap and water quick"

Even the guys in Fishbone know what I'm talking about!! Sweaty balls, and that's the cleanest area on your body?!?!


You can date this man, nice smile and washes his hands!

Am I just tripping, or is this a real trend among men? Do you even dare to ask if they're doing this or not?! Please men, explain this to me if you do believe you're that clean and don't need to wash!!!!

Side Eyeing the Cradle

So I haven't blogged in a while, and I apologize. But for the first time ever, I have a boyfriend!

At least, I think I have a boyfriend.

He told his friends he had a girlfriend. He told me he loved me via text. (And yes, this was the actual declaration of love. On the text. Insert side eye). His friend told me he loved me before the boyfriend did.

The problem is my new boyfriend is younger than me. He's way younger than me but he's not illegal. He's slightly over legal. If you had told me a few years ago I'd be dating someone who wasn't alive when Thriller, the Challenger Explosion, Purple Rain and Facts of Life came out, I'd have given you the side eye.


This is me, side-eyeing you. You are Hilary Clinton. Yes, you


But alas, my supposed boyfriend is muy younger and this should be my fun fling of the summer, but it is turning into a bit more trouble than it's worth. While he is fun and there is the whole "Young men just don't quit in the sack" nonsense, and "Young men are trainable" bs, there are maturity issues of a whole other realm that I just need to blog about!

Like the time he came over and literally peed himself as he walked into my house because he drank way too much beer and couldn't get into the bathroom on time.

Side eye!

And the times he says he's coming over, like last night, doesn't show up, like last night, but will show up the next day.

Side Eye, with bonus side mouth! (Note - don't leave stuff at my house if you pull this kind of move, Young boyfriend. I will look through your bag like the nosy bitch I am!)

I shouldn't feel so strongly about a fling, but dagnabbit, can't it be fun without all the silliness? Am I just getting old and crotchety about someone who is 1.)leaving in three months to go back to their home country and 2.) young enough that old school hip hop to them is LL Cool J's last album? (ok, totally kidding on that, but since when is Wu Tang old school?!?!) I shouldn't care! But...I do.

Side eyeing myself. Serious side eye.

I think I'm through with younger men after this. I miss having a man with hair. When you have more facial hair than your mate, something is amiss. Maybe Puberty, but something!

PS - I asked him if he really meant that he loved me in that text, and when he said yes, I exclaimed, "that's nice!" Because no matter what, it's always nice to hear someone loves you.

PPS - I'm going to tell myself I love you right now.

A Sigh On MySpace

So I check my myspace this morning, and I received this email from some random guy. This email is verbatim:

WATS GOOD MAMI

MY NAME IS CHRIS , IM 22 YEARS OLD & IM FROM CROWN HEIGHTS BROOKLYN

IM HALF BLK & JAMIACAN & IM DRUG & DIEASE FREE

IM ON HERE LOOKING 4 A COOL FEMALE FRIEND DAT LOVE GETTING HER PUSSY EATEN

I LOVE EATING PUSSY & I HAVENT EAT ANY PUSSY 4 AWHILE MAMI

IM NOT ABOUT DA HEAD GAMES OR BULLSHIT IM SERIOUS AS U CAN GET

I WILL LOVE 2 B UR MALE SLUT & STAY ON MY KNEES EATING UR PUSSY

& IF U HAVE SOME SEXY AZZ FEET I WILL SUCK ON THOSE TOES

& I HOPE U DONT THINK IM DISRESPECTING U IN ANY WAY OK MAMI IM JUST BEING REAL IM TIRED OF SOME OF U WOMAN OR FEMALES ACTING LIKE Y'ALL DONT LIKE GETTING UR PUSSY EATEN UP ON DA REGULAR

BUT LIKE I SAID PLEASE DONT TAKE IT DA WRONG WAY OK MAMI

IF UR INTERESTED IN DAT PLEASE HIT ME UP I HAVE YAHOO & AIM

MY YAHOO IS - XFACTOR10_RAVENS@YAHOO.COM

& MY AIM IS - XFACTOR4LYF

I WILL B WAITING MAMI

What I want to know is this - this foolio who emails me has over 1,000 friends on MySpace. The majority of them are women....and he has such a ridiculous decal on his page I want to know if anyone has fallen for this crap.

I mean, seriously, America?

EDIT - FOUND THE DECAL! LOL