Let's talk about this right here:
If you read Jezebel.com (and you already know it's a great great great site), then you already know about the open thread they have about Ms. Heidi Montag's performance on the Miss Universe pagent tonight.
Let's discuss her outfit before we go on to her actual "performance". What's wrong with the photo above, boys and girls? First off, her outfit is stupid. And something is wrong with the crotch in her pants. It's like she's carrying a big queef in there. Maybe it's her husband, maybe she just put something in there to give her some edge, I don't know.
Second off, what's up with a flesh toned bra pants thing going on? I thought flesh tone was for the illusion of that you aren't wearing anything, but it has glitter, but it has some black piping, but zzzzzzzzzzz....
Yawn Snore! Her shit is boring.
I won't even mention her hair, makeup, and her fakito boobs. I actually find her everything disconcerting. Like, now that she fixed everything with plastic surgery, and is "pretty", it's ok that she's assaulting America with her terribleness. And yes, it's assault. You can go to your local precinct and file a report for this hot mess.
She's just so mediocre it's RIDICULOUS. I mean, if you need proof. Please notice her stumbling around second 25-35:
Now, we all know the song is bunk. She cannot sing and the song is about nothingness. Fine. But she can't dance and it's all a little too much. Paula Abdul can't sing either, but the bitch was bad when it came to the dance. And that's why you sang Cold Hearted Snake (look into his eyes! C'mon, you're singing it right now with me!). The song was bangin', and Paula brought it.
If Heidi gets to be famous for sheer nothingness, why can I be famous? I do plenty of nothing all day as well, and I sing like no other when it's karaoke time.