The Second Met Fashion Email That Rocked Outlook

Following on the smash success of the first Metropolitan Email, I give you the second one....enjoy!

Rachel Bilson - from the waist down, it's ok. The waist up....her hair is blah an her titties are sad. Sad titties need zoloft. zolift, viagra, whatever. I like her snakeskin shoes, but not with the dress. I do like the color of the dress.





Now the caption for this photo said Jessica Alba sparkles in her minidress. Now, before reading the caption, I thought, why does it look like her hair is in rollers and she put on some busted shoes from the 90s? This whole outfit sparkles with yuck. Her shoes and tights remind me of Lisa Loeb. Does it's look like two different dresses ripped apart and then sewn together?




Show them how it's done, Eva Mendez. I know the bottom look like it make need an iron, but this shit is clean, elegant, sexy, classy. I try to embody at least some of those words on a daily basis. So far I've got the clean part down pat!





I'm feeling the color, the hair (anything Barbarella gets the high five)...yet, I can't decide on the dress. I think it's vibrant and different, so that gives it a yay. Not loving the shoes, though. The color is so rich and delicious...Yay Anne Hathaway



So my mom still won't believe me that Cindy Crawford is not a man. And now even I have to wonder if she's on Rupaul's Drag Race. This outfit is a bit of a hot tranny mess, I'm sorry. You know why? The material looks cheap in the picture. And also she looks like a man.




One boob up and one boob down. It's like bi-polar titties. The dress is hot. John Galliano should only wear pirate clothes.




Helena Christensen...really?! What's this dress about? This is some Nancy Kerrigan bs. You're lovely, so wear a lovely dress that doesn't actually have the word Ugle (pronounce Ug-lay) on it. When your dress knows it's busted and tries to say it before you do, then you know it's not right. Although I do love the ankle ties. beautiful ballet heels.



Now they're putting up the cuter photos on the website. Eff that. We're judging the busted ones.

Busted Expensive Fashion - A New Feature

So I love going on Fashion Sugar, especially for their Love it or Hate it section. I love it because I love to mine their fashion pics that I almost ALWAYS hate.

I don't understand why they make it a love it or hate it section - everyone with eyes, and a sense of the beautiful should hate these busted pieces of fashion. They're generally overpriced and ridiculous, and don't give me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder on these gems - you know that have no alibi because they are U-G-L-Y. Let's take a look at BEF (Busted Expensive Fashion) example Numero Uno (thank you Bloomberg for the Spanish lession):



David Lerner Half Ripped Leggings ($99)

Yes, y'all, you read it correctly. NINETY NINE Luft balloons for leggings that are already ripped for you. I have to laugh at who ever is wearing these leggings in the first place. Most people don't have any business wearing leggings anyway...Are you in Flashdance? Are you plieing during your business meetings? Will you be working the pole and getting paid at your favorite sports bar? Then you may not have the eye of the tiger nor do you love Rock N Roll as much as Joan Jett, so leave this piece of the 80s alone.

Next up - Will you take a look at this hot shitty mess?


Rojas Mini Shorts ($63)
I used to tell my bosses, "help me help you", so I ask my reading public of three, Help Me to understand how these shorts Help You in any way on earth. Those shorts looks like Huggies PullUps. They are busted plaid, and they are $63 for only one pull up. Maybe if they were able to last a week without being changed as an adult Pull Up, that would be great for camping, but for fashion?

Maybe I'm just being too harsh...you'll let me know, right?

Well, this begins the new Busted Expensive Fashion Feature. Tell me what you think.

The Email Heard Round Four of My Friends' Outlook Programs

I promised you the email that started it all, and here goes - The Met's Costume Gala 2009. Enjoy!

This spawned two more emails...if you like this one, I'll post the rest. It's long, but bear with me.

The Met had their Costume Gala tonight - I wonder why I never go to look since I live so close. Anyway, I have been moved to send this fashion email since I was shocked and disappointed by many outfit choices, skin malfunctions, and general weird photos from tonight.

I must present my case in as simple and impassioned a manner as possible. I would like to hear your feedback, since it is important to know if there is some new trend, or some other way to view the yuck and the good out of these photos that I may not have thought of before.

Picture this: May 2009, Upper East Side, New York City. The world's most famous and infamous people gather at a musuem. The Theme is the Model as Muse.

First up is Tom Brady and Gisele - I'm not feeling this outfit, but I'm REALLY not feeling those shoes. Yickers. The dress itself isn't bad (cute ass going dancing dress), it just doesn't feel event appropriate. Like, Tom Brady doesn't feel appropriate to this even either. Plus I think Gisele looks like a giraffe face that just made a fart. so there.




Rihanna - Girl, I don't know. I don't wanna know. Posh Spice is BARELY pulling off this Star Trek Romulan shit. I like your hair, I like your grill piece, so why wear an outfit that ONLY Grace Jones can pull off??!?! And then you add your little Michael Jackson tribute-esque glove. Boo hiss on this. Your shoes are super cute....




Why is Justin Timberlake trying to channel Martin Scorcese with those glasses? And just between you and me, I actually do NOT like Jessica Biel. I'm kind of sort of feeling this flamenco-y dress. I dig her shoes, I think this is just an awkward pose....who am I kidding, I just don't like the broad.




Kate Bosworth - Work. That dress is literally texting, calling, im-ing, tweeting, BANGING. Your hair, makeups, gorgeousness yummy delicious cold milk with cereal on a summer day wonderful. I'm a sucker for red lipstick done well. High five over the phone, homegirl.




Grey Gardens meets Les Miserables. Greymiserable. Master of the House, quick to catch your eye.....




And now the cleaner sister. She is the answer to Mary Kate's PigPen. And usually wears the cuter (I think, at least) gear. But this time she wore the tablecloth. go figure. But it's her look that gets you...she knows she wore a damn tablecloth to the Met. Check out Gisele's leg and show from the back...looks fabu, right?




Kate Hudson looks like she and The Sun are dating, and the relationship is going well. Golden kissed goldenness. Beautiful.



I like the concept and color of Liv Tyler's dress. It's very Joan Crawford. Maybe it's the camera angle, because she looks odd here. I'm going to go with camera angle, and some football shoulder pads. Also, she's standing oddly. I can't stand it when tall women slouch. God gave you height...use it.




Madonna - I think you have officially played yourself. You are the material girl, and this was the best you came up with. Your arms are scary. The dress is bad enough. Your hair looks like who shot John, but then you kick it with those boots from hell. Those boots make me angry. Those boots will be the reason you don't get that baby MErcy from Malawai. Offensive boots.