Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Swine Flu = Terrorism...At Least in the MTA
Yesterday, I was taking the train into Brooklyn to visit a friend. I had squeezed myself next to an older gentleman who was sitting in a two seater, and I wanted a reprieve from the bags in my hand. At one of the stops, a woman gets on in her work suit, reading a book....and clearing her throat every 3-6 seconds. She then sits next to me on my little two seater, clearing her throat the entire time.
I wanted to punch that bitch, give her a lozange and send her to another seat as far away from me as possible. For you see, her throat clearing is an act of terrorism known as Swine Flu.
With the Swine Flu becoming the new epidemic du jour, any cold symptom now has everyone in a panic. You feel tired? Swine Flu. You're coughing? Swine Flu. You have a runny nose? SWINE FLU.
Forget Allergies. They stopped existing. My friend with pollen allergies was given Tamaflu (thank you Dick Cheney). Common cold? p-tooey! That's old hat! That is now just Swine Flu running up in your system disguised. Swine Flu is the new illegal immigrant everyone wants to send back to its own country. It's a terrorist and Un-American act to sniffle, and don't forget it or the following might happen.
A week or so ago on the train, a man was sitting across from me, who was quite the hip 80's styled dandy-ish queen, but he kept sneezing. And I knew it was all about terror. A thuggish looking bloke near him kept looking at him after each sneeze, and then looking at me for askance. And we both knew what our looks meant - if it was one more sneeze, he was going to get jumped. And Shanked. Then Tamaflued. And we would both get Medals of Honor and free Kleenex.
So please everyone, be safe on your train travels. And like Bloomberg says, "Si Vez Algo Swine Flu, Di Algo Swine Flu!".